I Used to Call It the Universe

I grew up Catholic, but if I’m being real, I didn’t take any of it that seriously. I went to church, I went to Sunday school, and I was also the kid sneaking out of Sunday school to go get pizza. My high school girlfriend gave me a Bible at one point and I barely read it. Faith was around me, but I wouldn’t say I had much of a relationship with it.

As I got older, I actually moved further away from Christianity and more toward this idea of “the universe.” I believed things happened for a reason. I paid attention to timing, coincidences, energy, all that stuff. I meditated. I definitely believed there was something bigger than me, I just didn’t call it God.

That started to change later in life, mostly because life got heavier.

By the time I was in my 30s and 40s, I had a lot more on my shoulders. I was a husband again, a father, running businesses, trying to provide, trying to figure out what the hell I was doing half the time like everybody else. There was a stretch where things got really rough. Business was struggling, money was tight, we had to move, and it felt like a bunch of major things were happening at the same time.

At some point I decided I was just going to put my faith in what I was still calling the universe. I started meditating more and trying to trust that things would work the way they were supposed to. And then stuff started lining up. Not in some fake movie way. Just enough that I kept noticing it.

So I basically made a deal with myself. There were three things that needed to happen, and I said if all three happen, I’m done calling this the universe. I’m calling it God, and I’m praying instead of meditating.

All three happened.

Around the same time, we were figuring out our move to Queen Creek, and that started lining up too. Before we even lived there, we started going to Rock Point Church. At first, I think I was just open to it. Then I started actually listening. Then something shifted.

I can’t really explain the exact moment other than one day I woke up and knew I needed to be baptized. There wasn’t a long debate. I called the church and said I needed to do it.

So I did.

Since then, faith has slowly become the thing that everything else is built around. Not in a performative way, and definitely not because I suddenly became some perfect Christian guy. I still get pissed off. I still work too much sometimes. I still get stressed. I still have plenty I need to work on.

But I am a different man than I was before.

I’m calmer. I think more about how I lead my family. I think more about the kind of husband and father I’m being. I think more about what I’m building and why I’m building it.

My mornings probably show the change better than anything. Most days I’m up around 4:00. I take Kona for a walk and listen to the Bible. I come home, make coffee, and spend some time in Bible study or a devotional before Harper wakes up. Then it’s dad mode, school drop-off, gym, work, and the rest of the day.

We’re also involved in church now. I serve in the children’s ministry every Sunday with three-year-olds, which is pretty funny considering I was the kid trying to escape Sunday school for pizza.

And that’s really the point of all this.

My story isn’t that I had one huge life-changing moment and suddenly became a completely different person. It was more gradual than that. I spent years believing there was something bigger than me. I just kept calling it something else.

Eventually, I stopped.

Now I call it God.